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Imagine your child dies

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Imagine your child dies.

Imagine you are several months pregnant and you start bleeding, it was not supposed to be like this, why is it happening to you?

Imagine you had 5 miscarriages and you are entering into your 6th pregnancy almost sure you will lose this one as well.

Imagine you are in the first trimester and in your normal day you get stomach pain and in the toilet you give birth to a small bundle of tissue and blood. There is no one around except your echoing screams and pain.

Imagine doctors telling you that your fetus is dangerous for your life and they have to kill it to save you. And you are saying you would rather die than kill your baby but you are slowly drift off as they put you asleep on operation table.

Imagine you have to go through all the labour pain to give birth to your full grown 3 kilos dead child. The silence in the room after your screaming to push the dead thing out. Doctors look away, sister with tears in the eyes telling you that she is sorry while putting the dead, bloody body on your chest.

Imagine you are carrying twins but one of them does not develop and shares your belly with his brother or sister but never really makes it. You know you have two children and you are carrying both of them but only one is alive. You cannot even mourn for the second one because you cannot stress yourself not to damage the other baby.

Imagine you are going to a regular pregnancy check and your doctor is telling you there is no more heartbeat and they have to induce you tomorrow morning. This morning you were just enjoying your time with other children and they were cuddling the belly, and now they are telling you your baby inside you is dead. How will you tell them?

Imagine doctors discovering a problem with your baby inside the belly but telling you it can be operated when it will be born and you put all hopes into it. You travel to foreign country and stay two weeks in hospital in order to prepare for the birth and operation but the baby dies inside you.

Imagine your child born with a problem and doctors cannot tell you nothing. It never opened her eyes and the only movement it did was shaking when you were touching her. She is breathing on ventilator and you can hear her heart on the machine. You want to go home, you are tired, you want to bring you child home, but it will never see home. It will never wear the clothes you bought Or sleep in cradle you bought and with the birth certificate you will get death certificate. In fact, imagine in that moment you realise no one can help you and God is not answering.

Imagine your child born with a severe damage that you have to decide when to put it asleep and not even autopsy will show what went wrong and they will simply tell you science is not developed enough. Imagine calling a funeral home and choosing whether you want to cremation or not.

Imagine you give birth to a fully healthy baby and everything is completely okay. Your husband couldn’t be with you because of the Covid, but you are happy that everything is okay. Imagine on third day your baby gets flu and jaundice. Doctors telling you she’s okay, but you are sure it’s some infection and begging them to give her antibiotics. They say it’s not urgent and it’s weekend. On Monday they call you to tell you your baby is dying and she had infection and they were too late now with antibiotics. Your husband still cannot go inside.

Imagine you are trying years to have a child but it’s not working and every month you get your period your soul breaks because you were wishing for that small thing ever since you were small. And you see other women with two children in strollers and big belly drinking beer and smoking, and you wanna cry not because you are judging her but because you know how luxurious is just to have one, plus how incredibly lucky is she to drink or smoke during pregnancy and get them out alive.

Imagine doctors do something wrong or don’t do enough and your baby dies because of their mistake. Imagine police officer is telling you he has not nice news for you after one year of investigation because they didn’t find doctor guilty, not understanding that you had not nice news long time ago and that they are leaving careless doctors to not treat properly other women and future unborn.

Imagine you lose your baby because of domestic violence. Maybe you didn’t even tell anyone you were pregnant, and now you cannot even say you lost it because you are scared how everyone will react.

Imagine you are putting your life savings to IVF or getting a loan but it doesn’t work. You have to repay the loan for the rest of your life without your child.

Imagine you had a cancer and they had to remove your uterus for you to survive so you will never be able to have children of your own and you were the mother person since you knew about yourself. They tell you adoption is an option and since you were small girl you were dreaming every single moment of pregnancy and bringing your baby home and taking care and now you know it will never happen and you are just 27.

Imagine at 18th year of your life you still didn’t get your period and you go to ultrasound to discover you were born without uterus. And you live in a society where to be a woman you have to be a mother. Imagine the shock and the fear, what will everyone say, will you ever find a husband?

I know every single woman above mentioned, including me, I could continue on and on about all the unfortunate cases that nobody is talking about.

The silence about baby loss is opportunity for more cases like this to happen.

October is infant loss awareness month and before you turn into mean ass bitch and put your comment without giving it a second thought, online or offline, on how these people should behave and what they should share just think. Think of their pain and how they feel. Think about how it never goes away and think that in some cases they have no even right to mourn and grieve because of the society.

1 out of 5 women lose their baby. 1 out of 5 couples suffer baby loss. The families of 1 our of 5 couples mourn their loss together.

If you are mean and unsatisfied to yourself don’t be to others, especially the ones in pain. Words can hurt.

Everyone should have right to grieve and go through the tough times as they feel like and unless you are their psychologist and they asked you your opinion do not give them advices or critics.

The most important everyone should get the needed medical and psychological support which unfortunately is lacking because doctors and families don’t know how to treat dead babies.

That’s why we talk about our dead babies.

To change this topic from taboo to normal. To push the researchers to discover why it happens and how to stop it. To show the doctors and families how to behave and what they should say or do.

To have immediate needed assistance after something goes wrong.

To not feel alone and ashamed.

Show some love for these people.

Be humane.

Because just imagine, your child dies, or you cannot have one.

Zamislite da vam dijete umre

Zamislite da vam dijete umre.

Zamislite da ste trudni nekoliko mjeseci i počnete krvariti, ovo nije trebalo da se desi, zašto se dogadja baš tebi?

Zamislite da ste imali pet pobačaja i ulazite u 6. trudnoću gotovo sigurni da ćete i ovu izgubiti.

Zamislite da ste u prvom tromjesečju i da u sasvim normalnom danu dobijete bolove u stomaku, i u toaletu porodite mali svezanj tkiva i krvi. U blizini nema nikoga osim vašeg vriska i bolova.

Zamislite da vam doktori kažu da je vaš fetus opasan po vaš život i da ga moraju ubiti da bi vas spasili. Vi ne razumjevajući o čemu se radi govorite da biste radije umrli nego ubili svoju bebu, ali ne uspjevate izgovoriti sve jer vas već uspavljuju na operacijskom stolu.

Zamislite da morate proći kroz sa porođajni bol o kome ste toliko čitali, da biste rodili svoje puno odraslo 3 kilograma teško mrtvo dijete. Tišina u sali nakon vašeg vrištanja da izgurate tu mrtvu stvar. Doktori spuštaju pogled, sestra sa suzama u očima govori da joj je žao dok vam stavlja mrtvo, krvavo tijelo na prsa.

Zamislite da nosite blizance, ali jedan od njih se ne razvija dovoljno ali nastavlja da dijeli vaš trbuh sa svojim bratom ili sestrom, ali nikada neće preživjeti. Znate da imate dvoje djece i nosite ih oboje, ali samo je jedno živo. Ne možete biti tužni niti žaliti za ovim drugim jer ne smijete biti pod stresom zbog ove druge bebe.

Zamislite da dolazite na redovnu provjeru trudnoće, a liječnik vam govori da više nema otkucaja srca i da vam moraju dati inekciju da bi podstakli porodjaj sutra ujutro. Jutros ste uživali u vremenu s drugom djecom i svi srećni mazili vaš stomak, a sada vam kažu da je vaša beba u vama mrtva. Kako ćete objasniti djeci?

Zamislite doktore kako otkrivaju problem sa vašom bebom unutar stomaka, ali vam govore kako se može operirati kad se rodi i u to polažete sve nade. Odlazite u stranu državu i ostajete dvije sedmice u bolnici kako biste se pripremili za rođenje i operaciju, ali beba umire u vama.

Zamislite da je vaše dijete rođeno s problemom, a doktori vam ne mogu ništa reći. Nikad nije otvorila oči, a jedini pokret koji je učinila bilo je drhtanje kad ste je dodirnuli. Diše uz pomoć ventilatora i čujete njeno srce na aparatu. Želite kući, umorni ste, želite bebu dovesti kući, ali ona nikada neće vidjeti dom. Nikada neće nositi odjeću koju ste kupili ili spavati u kolijevci koju ste kupili, a uz rodni list dobit ćete i posmrtnicu. Zapravo, zamislite u tom trenutku da shvatite da vam niko ne može pomoći, a Bog vam ne odgovara na molitve.

Zamislite da je vaše dijete rođeno s teškim oštećenjem i vi morate odlučiti kada ga uspavati. I čak ni obdukcija neće pokazati što je pošlo po zlu i jednostavno će vam reći da nauka nije dovoljno razvijena da vam da odgovor. Zamislite da morate zvati pogrebno i birati želite li kremiranje ili ne.

Zamislite da ste rodili potpuno zdravu bebu i sve je u redu. Vaš suprug nije mogao biti s vama zbog Covida, ali sretni ste što je sve u redu. Zamislite trećeg dana da vaša beba dobije temperaturu i žuticu. Doktori vam govore da je dobro, ali sigurni ste da je riječ o nekoj infekciji i preklinjete ih da joj daju antibiotike. Kažu da nije hitno i da je vikend, vidjeće u ponedeljak. U ponedjeljak vas zovu da vam kažu da vaša beba umire i da je imala infekciju i da su sada zakasnili s antibioticima. Vaš muž još uvijek ne može ući unutra.

Zamislite da godinama pokušavate zatrudniti, ali vam ne uspijeva i svakog mjeseca kad vidite krv hoćete puknuti od tuge jer ste priželjkivali tu bebu od malena. I vidite druge žene s dvoje djece u kolicima i velikim stomakom kako piju pivo i puše i želite crknuti ne zato što je osuđujete, već zato što znate koliko je luksuzno imati samo jednu, plus koliko je nevjerovatno sretna što pije ili puši tokom trudnoće i rodi ih žive.

Zamislite da doktori učine nešto pogrešno ili ne urade nešto dovoljno i vaša beba umre zbog njihove greške. Zamislite da vam inspektor kaže da nema lijepe vijesti za vas nakon godinu dana istrage, jer nisu pronašli doktora krivim, ne razumjevajući da odavno niste imali lijepih vijesti i da ostavljaju neoprezne i nesteučne doktore da liječe buduće trudnice.

Zamislite da izgubite svoju bebu zbog nasilja u porodici. Možda nikome niste ni rekli da ste trudni, a sada ne smijete ni reći da ste izgubili bebu jer se bojite kako će svi reagovati.

Zamislite da svoju životnu ušteđevinu stavljate u vantelesnu oplodnju ili podignete kredit, ali oplodnja bezuspješna. Kreduit morate otplaćivati do kraja života, bez djeteta.

Zamislite da ste imali rak i morali su vam ukloniti maternicu da biste preživjeli, tako da nikada nećete moći imati vlastitu djecu, a sanjali ste da budete majka otkad znate za sebe. Kažu vam da je usvajanje opcija, a budući vi odkad ste bila djevojčica, sanjala ste svaki trenutak trudnoće i kako dovodite bebu kući i brinete se o njoj, a sada znate da se to nikada neće dogoditi, a imate samo 27 godina.

Zamislite da u 18. godini svog života još uvijek niste dobili menstruaciju i odlazite na ultrazvuk gdje otkrivate da ste rođeni bez maternice. A vi živite u društvu u kojem da biste bili žena morate biti majka. Zamislite šok i strah, što će svi reći, hoćete li ikada naći muža?

Lično poznajem svaki gore naveden nesretni slučaj, uključujući moj, i mogla pisati i dalje o svim nesretnim slučajevima o kojima niko ne govori.

Šutnja o gubitku bebe sije plodno tlo da se više ovakvih slučajeva dogodi!

Oktobar je mjesec podizanja svjesti o gubitku beba i prije nego što se bez razmišljanja i zlinamjerno date svoj komentar kako bi se ti ljudi trebali ponašati i što bi trebali podijeliti, zamislite!Zamislite kako je njima već sa svom boli i tugom koje osjećaju. Zamislite o tome kako to nikad ne nestane i zamislite da u nekim slučajevima nemaju čak ni pravo žaliti se i tugovati zbog društva u kojem žive.

1 od 5 žena izgubi dijete. 1 od 5 parova prolazi kroz tugu od gubitka bebe. Porodice jednog od tih pet parova zajedno tuguju u tišini njihov gubitak.

Ako ste zlobni i nezadovoljni prema sebi, nemojte biti prema drugima, posebno onima koji tuguju. Riječi mogu povrijediti.

Svatko bi trebao imati pravo na tugovanje i prolazak kroz teška vremena onako kako želi i dolikuje i osim ako im niste psiholog i ako vas nisu pitali za mišljenje, nemojte im davati savjete ili kritikovati ih.

Ono što je važno je da bi svi trebali dobiti potrebnu medicinsku i psihološku podršku koja nažalost nedostaje jer ljekari i porodice ne znaju kako se ophoditi s mrtvim bebama.

Zbog toga pričamo o našim mrtvim bebama.

Želimo ovu temu promijeniti iz tabua u nešto normalno jer jebemu sve jest normalno. I dešava se! Želimo podstaći istraživače da otkriju zašto se to događa i kako to zaustaviti. Želimo obučiti doktore i porodicu šta nam je potrebno i kako se ponašati i šta bi trebali reći ili učiniti.

Bitno je da odmah dobijete pomoć nakon što nešto pođe po zlu.

Bitno je se ne osjećate usamljeno i posramljeno zato što ste izgubili bebu ili ne možete uopšte imati.

Pokažite malo ljubavi I razumjevanja prema tim ljudima.

Budite humani.

Jer samo zamislite da vam vaše dijete umre ili ne možete imati jedno.

One comment on “Imagine your child dies

  1. Petra says:

    U potpunosti se slažem… Ja sam prošle godine u 5.mj. trudnoće(1.trudnoća i za sada jedina) morala na inducirani pobačaj zbog toga jer beba nije imala bubrege koji se na kraju pretvorio u inducirani porod mojeg mrtvog djeteta… I na to te nitko i ništa ne može pripremiti ali žalosno je da kad ti se tako nešto desi odjednom ti masa žena oko tebe koje znaš počnu govoriti “pa i meni se desilo isto” i na kraju ispadne da je oko tebe jako puno sličnih priča o kojima te žene nikada nisu progovorile. Od sestre u bolnici koja ti kaže “pa to se događa samo se o tome ne priča jer onda nitko neće htjet imat djecu”…. Znači poslije tog užasnog trenutka pobačaja to mi je bila druga najgora stvar-činjenica da žene ne pričaju o tome. Znamo da je svaka trudnoća riskantna i slažem se da treba misliti pozitivno al zar zato treba štiti o tome? Trudnice u Švedskoj na primjer dobe filmić u kojem im prikažu sve šta će oni raditi i sve loše stvari koje se mogu dogoditi te kako se psihički pripremiti na eventualne komplikacije i loš ishod. Sviđa mi se taj pristup, za razliku od ovog našeg…

    Like

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